My wife went and stayed overnight with #2 son tonight, leaving this AM, so I got to spend the day with #1 son. We did a whole bunch of stuff. We even started the day with watching Oshie score multiple shootout goals to win the game against Russia, followed by venison sausage and scrambled eggs. Granted, I had wanted to take him hunting and fishing today, but Pax made that not a possibility.

After hockey and whatnot, we started with the errands (which included stop at Starbucks for coffee grounds for compost, a tall vanilla blonde roast, and a tall hot chocolate...mine was gone before we got home, but he dropped his on the driveway when we got home. No tears, handled it like a champ). When we got home, we did some snow clean up, hung out, watched bball, and cleaned up a bit around the house while snacking, because we had a linner date (as in lunch and dinner, the meal eaten after 2 and before 5).  Nothing says Presidents' Valentine like Five Guys.

While we were out to eat at Five Guys, he kept watching other people. Eat a little, watch a lot. He noticed the family with the baby, watched the families near us, and kept asking me questions. My favorite was "Where do the cooker people keep going" as they would go in the back for more food to prepare for people. As parents, we're supposed to teach them not to stare at other people, but I kept telling myself to shut it. It was amazing to watch him people watch, be observant, and just flat out learn by those observations of his surroundings. Not to mention the observation is good for those paranoid people like myself who don't like to sit with our back to a door. It means he's learning to be aware of his surroundings in case of problems in public. He talked most of the way to the restaurant, and most of the way back. We had real conversations, to some extent. And those were my moments to make sure he grows up as he should, wise, aware, intelligent, conversant, and awesome. Saying that makes me feel better about not doing the "right" thing and telling him not to stare. I'll save that for church tomorrow.

The drive home saw us talking, real man-versations. He started by asking if my truck could get out of all the mess. That led  us to my truck only being rear wheel drive. We did the basic differences between front wheel, rear wheel, and four wheel drive (we left all wheel drive alone, because this was a man-versation, that AWD nonsense doesn't go on trucks, right?), why daddy's truck was different from Uncle Ryan's because of it, etc. We covered why I hadn't cleaned the snow out of my truck bed (due to weight and improved traction) and talked about how that made the truck drive differently. Always take the opportunities to educate, right?

When we got home, it was tidy up some more and get comfy. PJ's and bathrobes and blankets, oh my. Popcorn while watching TV, all that good stuff. What did we watch? We started with "The Sons of Katie Elder" (seriously, great theme song to this movie, then add in John Wayne, Dean Martin, the Sheriff from The Rifleman as a Sheriff, a gaggle of great character actors, and director Henry Hathaway [also did "North to Alaska" and "True Grit", as well as segments of "How the West Was Won"] and you have a quality Western). Then, on to some Andy Griffith followed by Batman: The Brave and the Bold. Yeah, its a lot of TV, but when he keeps talking and interacting about each thing we watched, it made it tough to stop. The other thing, he's daggone smart. As in the boy has embarrassed me on an intellectual level more than once...and he hasn't started pre-school. The one thing I will add here for my opinion moment: If you're going to watch TV, watch stuff you know has quality, not the larger portion of mess out there.

Oddly enough, putting him to bed was easy tonight. Funny moment leading up to it was seeing the dog laying next to the kitchen door, staring out, wondering where my wife and #2 son were. Then potty, teeth, devotions, hugs, kisses (I got a lot of those today, which is awesome), turn on the music, turn on the fan and heater, turn out the light, and done. He asked his one question, then went straight back to bed. Ask my wife how often that happens.

After putting him to bed, it was time to Blog about the day. How often do we miss the little things because we get too busy? I can say for sure that I will not remember today the way that he will. I may have given him a memory today that he will hold and treasure for the rest of his life. How many of us consider a day like that? Of course, I may have done nothing for his memories and just got him full of Five Guys, popcorn, and visual sensory overload. I guess the thing is, it feels like a carpe diemed day. That's what parents forget, to find their fulfillment in the time they spend with their kids. Its 9 PM, I still have a Sunday School lesson to write for tomorrow (Beatitudes, those who mourn), and I'm still pondering if I want to sleep in my bed with the dog tonight, or in the bottom bunk in Keenan's room with the dog tonight (note: our dog is never allowed into bedrooms or on furniture...unless Lauren's gone and I feel charitable). But the bottom line stands: It was a good day. I look forward to processing it in a Wordsworthian fashion (as in his definition of poetry - the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility) and seeing what I missed. Because I did, I missed something. I hope he didn't realize I did. I hope he thought today was all about him, because these days will be few enough in his lifetime. Whatever I missed, I hope I figure it out and learn from it, so tomorrow can be just as awesome.

Today's Accomplishment

A SAHD measures life with the small accomplishments. The steps, the squiggles, the inches, these make up the day's labors, some successful, some not. Add into this the working mom that comes home and takes over so I can get my work for school done, and you have our lives tonight. However, I can claim that I taught #1 Son one thing today: The Cover Flip. What is this, you ask? Well, I'll tell you:

You're resting comfortably in bed, and all of a sudden, that need to go to the bathroom hits you. Do you just scrounge the covers off of yourself, or do you reach over towards the edge, grab hold, and neatly flip back the covers? Myself, I flip. That way, when I come back, I can reach over, grab in a similar fashion, and flip said covers back over myself. Tonight, I successfully taught #1 Son this most important of skills for comfortable and efficient cover operation so one can get to sleep as quickly as possible after being rudely awoken by whatever.

The little skills remind me of a song that holds a special place in my family's past. We played it at my grandfather's funeral, a uniquely Irish gentleman that gifted his full name to my father and brother, and my #1 son's middle name. Take a listen, and realize that it is the small things that make the biggest accomplishments.

The Old Man

Organization

Hey look, there's a title. Good thing to go with the theme.

So, with my sinus happiness of the last few days, I woke up silly early this AM, like 2:30 AM. Got the dishwasher emptied, run, and emptied again, a load of laundry done, and watched Dances With Wolves before anyone else got up. Overall a successful morning.

Funny thing with the dishes. We have a utensils drawer next to the stove. Into this goes tongs, wooden spoons, the potato masher, spatulas, etc. This drawer tends to remain pretty full and needing to be organized so it tends to attractt attention to make sure it opens and closes correctly. I opened it to find a half eaten, only slightly brown apple. Most likely #2 son's work, as he has gotten good and randomly leaving his partially eaten apples all over the house, and he eats less of them than #1 son, thus allowing me to use my Sherlock-like deduction skills to arrive at my logical conclusion.

Now, funny story aside, organization is something I lack, always have. My wife is the organized one. In fact, part of the reason we get anywhere with the boys starts with her organization rubbing off on me. I'm not a mess, I just think in piles rather than folders, which to many, looks like a mess.

However, organization is key to my days with the boys. Organization includes structure, and we loosely maintain that at this point. A lot of this centers around naptimes, which are amazing. For those of you who have children who no longer nap, I don't know how you do it. It also helps that they know how to pick up, because my boys are professionals at making messes. I have been assured that this is normal, and girls do it as well, but the thoroughness of my children fascinates me. They can take stuff from one room and mess up five rooms, all in 20 minutes (or less). One word comes to mind: miraculous (in the messiest way possible). Of course, I know where they get it from. I have watched our kitchen go from spotless to a U of Pain and Suffering (we have a peninsula style kitchen where it makes a U with the sink opposite the stove). Organization means you having your stuff together for when they do not. It means, for me, trying to get up at 5:30, and going to bed at 10 so I can do that. Planning, preparation, all that stuff that everyone talks about for work, it all applies to the SAHP. Granted, you can do it in your pajamas, but I find that I need to get dressed so that it helps the boys shift gears.

All that mess just allows me to teach to learn. I may not get them to the point where planning and preparation regularly runs their lives, but knowing where things go and putting them away regularly means my kids will hopefully learn that particular life skill (don't ask my mom about this, she may or may not agree that I personally possess it). Their occasional creativeness with storing fruit just showcases that they might just understand. Now the question comes, will they remember when they hit puberty?

Different people react differently when they get sick. Some are overly dramatic misery-alists (yes, I made that up, its like moralist+misery), where they pontificate on the evils of their condition while bemoaning the sad state of the society that allows them to be sick. Some tough it out and just get angry at the world. Some really do not get sick (I hate them, by the way, with the fire of a thousand suns, to quote "10 Things I Hate About You"). Me, I get introspective and moody. In short, miserable. Misery. The art of being despondent. You know, Mr. Buckets of Fun.

Of course, this all means my family has to cope with my delusions of morbidity. It also means I get to fail in many ways I promised I never would. For example, as I type this, my oldest son is watching "The Fox and the Hound", after he watched a few episodes of Curious George. Why? Well, because I don't have the energy to keep up with him. Furthermore, the other one needs a nap, meaning I have to have something to keep #1 busy (by the way, to anyone who has ever felt judged by me in the way you have raised your kids, I'm really trying to stop that mess. And consider this my blanket apology forever on the topic, because raising kids could be compared to successful medieval alchemy, ain't nobody got a formula) while I get #2 down for a nap. And don't go all "Well, if you were a prepared parent...", as #2 was Mr. Snotty-Screamy Face until 3 AM.

As a SAHP, what does that mean? Did I fail my kids today? Am I a bad parent? Do I need a time out (please, can I get a time out)? I'll let you know after my sinuses stop running like a faucet, take care of lunch and dinner, teach my class tonight at the local Community College, and try to get some sleep tonight with the sick child snotting all over the place and screaming in misery. And you know what? I still don't have a right to be Mr. Miserable. Why? Did you miss the part where I'm a SAHD?

It is a cycle, I will get better, and I will return to my normal Mr. Buckets of Fun status. My family will remain good even while I'm on misery hiatus. I will drink enough tea to re-enact the Boston Tea Party. And I will share with you, hoping that someone else out there will realize that the trick is not giving up, rather than the perfectionist getting it right the first time. Speaking from experience as a former high school teacher, modeling that particular lesson may be one of the most important things you ever do for your children.

It seems best to go with one of our favorite story makers and time takers to start: The Birds. For any SAHDs out there that find this blog and want some ideas for easy learning, read on. For anyone out there that wonders how on earth I keep two young boys interested in birds, read on. For anyone who happens to be up too late with insomnia, read on, it might put you to sleep.

Family gave us both our feeders, that information lays the foundation. It seems that the process of raising family stems from the family, positive or negative. Leaving Freud alone, much needs to be realized about the blending of two perspectives into a family, but you can read that in your own self-help books.

We have two feeders, one is a seed feeder, and one is a suet feeder.For those not in the know, these will attract different types of birds to some extent. For example, Cardinals will not go to a suet feeder and they predominantly eat seeds (at least they will not go to our suet feeders). Every other bird we see will go to both. Suet is just fat, unless you buy the fancy kind with the seeds in it. Amazon holds a lot of my personal business, but you can also get suet from Home Depot, Lowes, and most any local hardware stores (Ace Hardware tends to have some funkier, more specific ones than other places), or if you have a local nursery like our AB Seed (speaking of AB Seed, they also provided us with the stuff to help keep the squirrels out of our seed feeder, but if you can also just sprinkle some cayenne pepper on the lip if you want). If you just want some cheap suet, you can try a local butcher shop, they may give you beef fat for free, then you just need the feeder.

Now, beyond the "how-to" stuff, if you have read anything on my #SAHD posts on Facebook, the part where Teague runs from the kitchen to the now piano/clothes drying/learning center room yelling, "BUUUUHHHHHD!!!!" is old news to you. However, the start of this whole process happened when visiting my parents. My boys showed a natural fascination with birds, especially the pileated woodpecker that wrapped itself around their small suet feeder. So we have a bird book, we identify birds we have not previously seen (like the Ruby Crowned Kinglet ), and my boys want to know more (this also concerns me because as I told my wife, there's a reason we never did an ornithology class in middle or high school. The birds we have seen at our feeder so far include the Whitebreasted Nuthatch and the Tufted Titmouse, these do not lend to non-giggling focus in boys ages 12+. Hopefully learning them early will get them over the silliness). This shows no reflection on my parenting other than capitalizing on a teachable moment (which, technically, my parents did, not me).

And perhaps, therein lies the pith of this post: my parents' experience with 5 kids and 8 grand kids (with at least one more on the way). That does not claim my parents as perfect, but how often do we miss these teachable moments? Birds are a vehicle for my boys to learn, and something I have always wanted to know more about as well. We have yet to even start on bird songs (which, by the way, WhatBird.com does a great job with for free in addition to bird identification). As a parent, what simple things do we pass up because we just do not pay attention due to our self-centered bias and impatience? And in this case, if we take the time to ask of others, could we preemptively prepare to make happen? My children do not inhabit the house of bird-curiosity alone. By the same token, not everyone is an ornithological nerd, and that's fine. However, if your kids show an interest, take the easy road paved by others. Then, you too can have your children flock to a window to scare away the birds they know by name.

Which leads me to my final thought, the one I daily forget, but should start each day with: I am not the first person on this road. I am not unique in my parenting struggles. I may have unique children, but there is nothing new under the sun. I alone am not left to struggle. Someone has gone before me, and whether or not you hear/agree with the Biblical overtones in those sentences, it holds true because of the extent of the human experience. It may take a village to raise a child, but it took a village to raise the parents of that child...a village those same parents often forget about in their parenting pity parties instead of using the cheap resources that surround them.

So, I have threatened to do this, so I'll just do it. After all, there's only 200k of us (read the article linked in this post), my Blog Title is still available (well, not anymore, its mine :), and I saw this article today that I figured would be a good kick-off (and with the Super Bowl Sunday, why not kick off something?).

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/nightline-fix-abc-news/being-mr-mom-stay-home-dads-tough-full-154633088.html?vp=1

Look for more info from me in the future, and for my #SAHD posts to end up here. Now to figure out how to hashtag into a Blog and make it work. So much to learn.

#SAHDReality